How to grow through challenges: Did you sign up for these lessons?

Those words used to echo in my mind when difficult challenges entered my life. But one day, a comment by Kelly, a dear friend I met through church, helped soften my heart and give me a new perspective. It was during a particularly frustrating time of my life. I was recovering from a painful and disillusioning end to my marriage, my two children were dealing with serious problems and my career was both too tiring and too demanding. There were days I wondered how to fit even one more thing into a schedule that was already packed and exhausting.

While visiting with Kelly one day, the subject of ‘Life’s Trials’ came up and she mentioned a conversation she’d had long ago with another acquaintance. Her friend had been struggling with some tough issues in life, and she had cried out cried out in anger, “This is not what I signed up for!” Those words resonated with me; I understood exactly how that felt. Kelly’s next comment, however, drew me up short.

“Yes, you did sign up for that,” Kelly had told her friend. I leaned forward in disbelief at her words – surely she wasn’t saying that we knowingly asked for the heartbreaking challenges many of us have faced? Then Kelly continued relating what she had told her friend.

“In the pre-mortal world, you agreed to learn all the lessons you’re learning here,” she had said. “So you did sign up for these things!”

As I processed what she’d said, the words registered with me and I was flooded with relief. I finally realized the role our hardships play in refining us and perfecting us for the next world. Just as Kelly had said, every obstacle and difficulty in my life had given me important lessons. I had always understood that various challenges in my life had made me stronger, but I’d never stopped to realize that I had likely known before coming to Earth that these were lessons I needed to learn. Although I wouldn’t want to go through those hardships again, I also wouldn’t trade the strength, the faith and the integrity I’ve gained from successfully meeting and overcoming challenges.

During the weeks and months following our conversation, I pondered the many blessings I’ve been given through enduring hardships. As I mentally compiled the list of lessons, my gratitude grew for the love God has shown in allowing me to grow through challenges. I’ve learned greater depths of compassion, lessons in patience and forgiveness, deeper meanings of thankfulness, soul-building fortitude, self-reliance and confidence in my own ability to provide for myself and my family and much more. I would feel like less of a person had I not learned each of these lessons. And I had I not personally experienced and endured suffering and hardships, I would feel much less prepared to serve those who suffer.

Slowly, I began seeing what I’d formerly felt were trials I “hadn’t signed up for” as magnificent opportunities to deepen my love for others and to serve Heavenly Father as He would have us serve. If the mortal world is meant to be a proving ground of our faith and endurance, how else can we learn, if not through mortal challenges?

Not long after my conversation with Kelly, a young father prayerfully blessed his new baby during a Sunday worship service. In the blessing, the baby received a wonderful promise – that each difficulty the tiny infant encountered through life would be used for powerful lessons to help him grow spiritually. This confirmed again to me that Heavenly Father and Christ are aware of what we endure in the mortal world and, if we but allow it, they will lovingly lead our souls to greater perfection, not just despite of our hardships, but because of them and through their refining fires.

When challenges come (and we are promised they will), I no longer react with the mental indignant cry that I ‘didn’t sign up for this.’ Instead, as I assess the situation and process whatever pain or difficulty may be ahead, I try to examine what lesson this experience can bring into my life. This awareness has by no means eliminated hardships or challenges in my life. But being mindful of the strengths I can gain from such trials has helped me cope with many mortal pains and frustrations, and it has greatly helped me understand that God indeed blesses us through our trials.